Event Review: The Interminable suicide of Gregory Church [16 April 2011]

The Interminable Suicide Of Gregory Church

Written and Performed by Daniel Kitson

http://www.theartscentre.com.au/whats-on/event.aspx?id=2528

It was absolutely entertaining. Daniel Kitson has this incredible power of captivating his audience members. Definitely worth seeing!

Restaurant Review: Metropolis Eating House

Location: 314 Sydney Rd, Brunswick
Link: http://www.metropolis-eating-house.com.au/
Phone: (03) 9388 8730

Cuisine: French
Overall Impressions: 1/10

Would I return? No. Did I have an unforgettable dining experience? Absolutely.

Let me explain.

From the moment we arrived, we were greeted by a large velvet staircase in a rundown "lobby" area. There was no one in sight. We were not even sure whether the restaurant was open. We walked up the stairs, towards the light and beheld an amazing sight. The dining area feels like it belongs in a mansion, not a restaurant in Brunswick. A haunted, mysterious mansion.

The maitre'd, with her very strong French accent, welcomed us warmly and we were promptly seated. I could not wait for the food we were about to indulge in.

Bread with parsnip dip

I found the parsnip dip interesting.

Chilled skate with artichoke paste, slow cooked red pepper, squid salad, parsley jus

J is not a fan of cold entrees but I am. Unfortunately, this was not to my taste at all. I would liken the taste to a can of tuna mixed with a generous serve of mayonnaise. The slow cooked red pepper tasted like ordinary antipasto from a jar. It was definitely not something we expected at all.

Air-dried wagyu, duck liver parfait, fig and beetroot chutney

This was one of the better dishes from the night. It is noteworthy that nothing on this plate involved any real cooking or preparation on the part of the kitchen staff (apart from plating up, which they did a very good job on). The wagyu needed no further preparation apart from slicing, the duck liver parfait and chutney both tasted like they came out of a jar.

Confit pork belly, green curry, bok choy

grilled scallop

It looked delicious on the plate and we were both hopeful that the night was looking up (food-wise that is, apart from that, we were having a fabulous time!). The pork lacked any flavour. It was extremely stale. The fat was rubbery. It was obvious that the meat had been prepared well in advance and had been quickly defrosted and pan-fried before serving. I have never tasted pork belly like this before.
The scallop was tasteless and insipid.


At this point in the night, we realised we were in a bizarre alternate reality, much like a scene from Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares. That could be the only explanation. We waited for the moment Gordon Ramsay would storm into the restaurant, shouting abuse. Amusing as that would have been, that never came to pass.

Garfish stuffed with prawn, nori, coriander cumin

Every bite was filled with mini, utterly annoying fish bones. It was sad that after ploughing through and removing those deadly spikes, we were left with an extremely under-seasoned, zestless fish devoid of flavour. The concept of the dish was good. The execution, on the other hand, was horrendous.

Berry Gazpacho, yoghurt sorbet

The dinner ended on a somewhat pleasant note. This was an enjoyable dessert. Simple and to the point.

Chocolate tapioca, chocolate espuma

housemade honeycomb

This was an average dessert, at best. But given the other courses served throughout the night, we were thankful at how ‘non-disastrous’ this was. I guess everything in life is relative.

And it was over. What an interesting experience. I have never been so shocked by food in my life. And please do not be fooled by how well these dishes present. Taste is an entirely different matter. I would recommend this restaurant for a hilarious night out, but please stay clear of it if you wish to taste delectable food. As the menu prices are equivalent to 1 hat restaurants in Melbourne, it surprises me that this restaurant has remained open for a substantial period of time (the wait staff we asked told us it has been open for about seven months) given the quality of the offerings.

 J and I have read the reviews of this restaurant on Urbanspoon and are both puzzled by the extent of praise lavished upon this eatery by other reviewers. Nevertheless, we can only speak from our personal experience and there is only one word for the food: Monstrous.1 

1. For the purposes of this post the word 'Monstrous' is given its ordinary meaning and not the one given by Matt Preston (Masterchef).

Restaurant Review: Straits Cafe

Location: 694 Doncaster Rd, Doncaster
Phone: (03) 9848 1605
Cuisine: Malaysian Hawker food

Entree: Jyu hu eng chai
Cuttle fish and spinach "salad"

Assam Laksa $9.90
Thick rice noodles in a tamarind based fish soup with onions, pineapple, cucumber and mint leaves.

You can always tell how authentic the rest of the menu will be after tasting an Assam Laksa dish at any Malaysian hawker style restaurant. If this isn't on the menu, it is because it is difficult to replicate overseas Additionally, I have been told it is an acquired taste, so that may also play a big part. My advise is, if you like Thai style food - sweet, sour, spicy and savoury flavours, this is the noodle dish for you.
I was pleasantly surprised at how authentic this tasted. Every mouthful was delicious and packed a punch.

Curry Laksa $9.90
Rice vermicelli and egg noodles served in a fragrant curry and coconut soup with chicken, fish cake and beancurd.

Great place for a casual and quick bite.

Overall Impression: 7/10

Restaurant Review: The Colonial Hotel

Location: Corner of King and Lonsdale st, Melbourne,
Link: http://www.colonialhotel.info/index.php
Phone: (03) 9670 8599

Cuisine: Pub food

$5 Pizzas at The Colonial Hotel...

Caponata
Tomato, char grilled eggplant, roasted capsicum, mozzarella, basil

Angelina

Haloumi, olives, oregano, tomato, lemon

Calabria

Calabrese salami, tomato, mozzarella 

Great service and very cheap pizzas!

Restaurant Review: Scusami

Location: Southgate Shopping Complex, Mid Level /Southgate Avenue, Southbank
Link: http://www.scusami.com.au/
Phone: (03) 9699 4111
Cuisine: Italian

Bread to start

Seared calamari, herb marinated, white anchovy warm panzella salad

The calamari was perfectly cooked. The salad was quite good. Simple and well seasoned.

 Beef carpaccio, served raw, truffled duck egg, wild mushrooms and herbs infused olive oil
This was a delicious dish. Each mouthful was delectable. There was a great balance of flavours.

 Pan roasted Tasmanian Salmon, with rocket and salsa verde dressing
Very plain. The Salmon was cooked well.

 Orrechiette pasta served with Smoked pancetta tomato and peas

The pasta was cooked al dente. The sauce lacked depth as the dominant tomato base over-powered the entire dish.

Red wine braised chicken with olives and roasted potato

The chicken was overdone and was disappointingly dry. As such, the lack of sauce on the plate made this one of the least enjoyable courses of the night.

House churned gelato

Overall Impression: 6/10

Very pleasant and waitstaff that provided efficient levels of service. The food was well presented and all things considered, was a positive dining experience.

Restaurant Review: La Camera

Location: Shop MR2 Mid Level East End, Southgate, Southbank
Link: http://www.lacamerasouthgate.com/
Phone: 03 9699 3600
Cuisine: Italian

La Camera Risotto

Bacon, mushrooms, pesto, spinach, tomato and a touch of cream

Risotto? Win
Includes Free glass of wine? Win

"Bi-winning" (reference: Charlie Sheen)

Great for a quick lunch. Prompt service, and risotto was not bad! For $10, there is enough win to go around.

Overall Impression: 6/10

Restaurant Review: Grossi Florentino: The Grill

Location: 80 Bourke Street, Melbourne
Link: http://www.grossiflorentino.com/

Phone: (03) 9662 1811

Cuisine: Italian

Before Eddie's Perfect show, we decided to have a pre-theatre dinner somewhere to start the night off. One of the great things about pre-theatre dinners is that you know you won't be waiting too long for your dinner. The menu is designed in a manner that ensures that you will not be late for the 'theatre', or in our case, the show. We couldn't go pass the pre-theatre menu at The Grill. I had emailed the restaurant for more information and found  a  very polite and lovely voice message on my phone explaining that she would prefer to speak to me about the menu because it is not fixed and changes very often. I was told what sort of dishes to expect. It sounded great so I quickly made a booking for the coming Saturday night.

Grissini

We were greeted by the longest breadsticks I have ever seen. As far as breadsticks went, they were pretty good. We immediately noticed how European the décor was. We really appreciated how the restaurant was set up. It reminded us both of our eating adventures in Italy.

Freshly baked bread, extra virgin olive oil and dukkah

very very good extra virgin olive oil!

 Yering Station Shiraz Cabernet

Rigatoni Norma

tomato, eggplant, salted ricotta

The pasta was perfectly al dente- not that I would have expected anything less. The eggplant was delicious and quite literally melted in our mouths. Perfectly seasoned, this simple dish was a good started.

Lombata di manzo

Minute steak, chargrilled, roasted potato

The steak was disappointing. Although cooked perfectly (medium rare) and texturely pleasant, it lacked basic seasoning. The potatos were however, lovely and crisp on the outside and had a good rosemary flavour.

Pollo Agrodolce

Chicken, pine nuts, sultanas on a bed of polenta

The chicken was tender and delicious. Hearty and simple, it really struck a chord in us. It was the sort of delectable comfort food we both enjoyed.

Orange biscotti

Lattés for a caffeine hit

Torta di sciroppo di fichi

Fig syrup cake,
almond milk sorbet

The cake was less than ordinary and lacked any fig-tasting components. The almond milk sorbet, however, was splendid. Smooth and delectable.

Overall impression: 7/10

It was good, simple, Italian fare. Lovely ambience and attentive waitstaff. Minor hiccups along the way but it was an overall pleasant dining experience.

Event Review: Eddie Perfect in Misanthropology [2 April 2011]

J is Eddie Perfect's biggest fan. No.. really, he is. I'm talking listened to his albums on repeat for a year.. continuously... fan. Ok, I'm exaggerating. But he is definitely in love with Eddie Perfect. So, we got tickets months and months in advance for his Misanthropology show, which is part of the Melbourne comedy festival. It was being held in the famous Spiegeltent which I found very exciting, given I have never seen any of Eddie's shows.

 the famous Spiegeltent

 I found it incredibly entertaining and enjoyed every bit of the show. J on the other hand was slightly dissapointed. He said that it was very entertaining but lacked the substance and depth that had earned his respect for Eddie.

As someone seeing Eddie for the first time, I thought it was a bit of fun and a good gig to attend.

Waiting in line to buy Eddie's new cd and for his autograph